MCHS c/o 2011

My other high school, graduated on friday...
Heh, last weekend before hs ends, and I have no plans, i have nothing to do, so I'm going to spend it in my room playing my violin.

Is it bad?

That sometimes, I feel really left out.
That makes me scared for what happens afterward, for being forgotten.
For being another blurred face?

I've seen too many people walk out WALTZ, out of my life, like it was nothing.
Like I meant nothing.
So fucking excuse me for being hesitant.
That's just the way I am.
'Cause I've heard the same shit way too many times, and they all end up doing the opposite.


I am at war with myself, I constantly struggle with whether to trust people or not.
In reality, I'm just scared.
Scared of the heartbreak, scared of being the only one crying.

Ladies & Gents

We will be graduating high school.....
........................................................
.........................................................
like its happening, its finally happening, and I am panicking more than being happy or sad.
Its so weird, its almost as though I DONT know how to react to it. Bleh.
In another note:
"The moment when a bird shits outside the classroom window and reflects exactly how you feel about the class."
Made my day. 

Apparently

I've been banned from ever spending Halloween in Madison....lol

Things I want to do this summer:

-SOAR @Mads.
-Go rollerskating/ice skating
-Laser tag.
-Read The Mortal Instrument Series all over again. +any other good book.
-FINALLY FIX MY ITUNES.
-Just keep swimming swimming.
-Bike
-Drink some fruity drinks; like McD's Strawberry lemonade <3 [The only McD's item I approve of, besides fries]
-Hang out a lot with my friends<3 (:
-Make memories.
-Vaaaaaaaalley Fair? :DDD
-Road trip?
-Laughter.
-Smiles.
-Get me some acrylic, watercolor, oil, paint, paintbrushes, a canvas, and I can paint.
-Sketchpad.
-Job= $$$
-Get my permit/licence.
-Turn 18....Lol, I typed 81 at first. DYSLEXIC.
-Bonfire+Smores.
-Pictures, lots of pictures.
-MOVIE NIGHT(S)
-Library.
-Red Muggin' and being classy.
-Concert? Music festival? :)
-SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK(justkidding) but definitely some BA all nighters.
-Learn one piano song. ANY piano song. :]

~ I think that's all, maybe ~

Orchestrial field trips

We can go from classy to unclassy in a second.
Just sayin'
Singing outloud to animal in a bus with Laura is classy.
Listening to classical music in a Orchestra Hall, is pretty classy as well.
Watching Mean Girls and knowing every line= Classy.

What went on on the bus afterwards.........well....But it sure was funny as hell. ;D
Seniors- the most mature people at school.....no really.

Other than that, pretty chill Thursday.

2 weeks breh.

Really. Computer programming?
Uhm, no thanks. Psychology/French/Art/Music I'd much more prefer.





2 more weeks....still having mixed emotions.



On top of that, I'm second guessing Mads</3

Glee.

"Correction you had feelings for HIM, he made breakfast on your head."
Mercedes, you have a beautiful voice.
Kurt is adorable :3
I don't like Jesse....

FUNNY GIRL<3 omg, I love that play, and that song!

Oh man, oh man.
First episode I actually watch on tv, and its so sad...

News.

I got accepted in to the College of Letters & Science Honors Program at UWMadison.
:3
I'm kind of excited.

You know. If glee had released their "Friday" cover before Black....I oddly enough would not have minded the song at all.


Weird.

Today

was an awesome opening night.
I realized at the end of the play, that what I love the most about plays is the ending of them.
The applaud, the standing ovation of the crowd.
I love the energy, the high positive spirits. The knowledge that your hard work paid off even in a small subliminal way.
That, or it could just be that I like to clap, I like cheering.
So maybe thats why I was kinda disappointed we had to play through that.

I like flowers.
I like music....a lot.

Tomorrow will hopefully go equally as smooth/fun.

I think I realized something. My bad mood is due to high school ending.
Ending, and it was nothing like I expected it to be.
Hmmm.

Oh and FYI

I am  jealous of AP lit student/Senior Social/Creative writing students.

Brit Lit with is such an epic fail.
Not even epic.
a lame fail.
Or just a fail
Fail. Fail. FAIL.

>:[
I want my semester class choices back. I want to change them.
Should coulda woulda.
TT_____________TT
I'm sorry literature, for you have died a horrible death.

...

Well that was awkward.

Really?

Damn, I never get credit for what I do.
Its always someone else.
What the fuck.

I'm sick and tired of that happening.

Orchestra

Franchesko, I love you. <3
I really do, and I am happy with the way I played, it's the best I've ever done.
It's going to be hard parting with Franchy, and state was fun.
We did not see the cute guys from botb but ess okay.
It was fun.

Waking up at 4 am, after going to sleep at 3 am was so fuckin trippy. It was weeeeeeeeeeeeeird. Aha, :)
Videos of our performances will be up in a bit like 2 hours of bit.

:] Homework? :o I don't even knoooow. aha

Today

I must finish my prompts;
I have been practicing for two hours and i feel so unprepared.
I am nervous, but excited.

Go hard or go home.

That's been my motto this year.
And I intend to see this journey till the end.

Soon Hee Newbold, we won't disappoint. :)

Could someone explain to me why

trig makes sense so late at night or well morning, yet not when I'm in class?
:O

Goodnight.

On the bright side

Guess who found sheet music for Meditation from Thais by Jules Massenet?
Janis.
Who's going to have to play this piece an octave lower cause she cant find the high notes?

Janis.

Who's in love with this piece?

Janis.

Who's going to practice this piece tomorrow?

Janis.

Music makes my heart smile.

Tomorrow

Is going to be a very, VERY, long day.
^---That's what she said.

Sigh, I can't even laugh at that.

Why can't I just be given a job, it would sure as hell ease my worries a bit knowing I have SOME money stored up. Even if I have to work every single day, I'D WOULD DO IT. I don't do things half assed, at least not always.

I'm desperate for a job, I'm worried about college. I'm going to be broke as fuck.
I have one good scholarship, and now I don't even know about fafsa.

I'm worried.
I'm tired.
I'm jobless, licenceless, carless, loveless, artless.

I'd just like to complain for a while.
Parent's aren't helping, they blame me for not finding my own money, and it's true, but it isn't helping either, they cant understand that 213209830129 people apply for one scholarship, and the odds of me finding one that only I applied to are like 1/1203129301. Look at me, using math. Yay.

._________.
Why can't I just enjoy the last moments of having no responsibilities?

Such lovely news.

Apparently my FAFSA wasn't complete.
Did fafsa or UWM tell me anything?
No.
Am I screwed?
Quite possibly.




Fuck.

Do

you know what its like to be pushed to the end of the line?
To be shoved to always being an option.
To be told so many great things, yet none of them ever seem to hold true.

Do you know how much it hurts knowing that no one has me as a number one?
Do you know what its like to be left in the dark waiting for someone to turn the light switch on, waiting for someone to hear you screaming even as faintly as it may be?
Do you know how it feels to feel wrong about feeling this way?
What it feels like to be called paranoid?
To know it's sort of true?

I scream.
Yet no one hears me.
If I'm so great, then why the fuck can't someone fucking hear me.

That's right, not all is as it seems.
The sad part is that I did try to talk to someone about it,
what did they do?
Ignored me.
Whether they did it on purpose or not, something was clearly much more of a priority than me trying to explain something. As it always is.

"A tango was not meant for three."

Saturday

is state.
I'm excited to play Perseus.
Soon Hee Newbold you're a bamf.

Smile? A true one would be nice.

"John Lennon is part of a group that has sold more CD’s than anyone else in the history of human life, and he never knew what a CD even was." 
Just saying. Man, I got senioritis baad. xD haha, oh well. Four years of practice yo'


State on Saturday, Perseus, we've got this bro'.

Why...

do I get so mad so quickly.
Is it even anger? :|

My head hurts.

No blinding light.

I've had "I will follow you into the dark" on replay for about the last hour.
I spent at least an hour before that, looking for scholarships. Why is school so damn expensive? You'd think it wouldnt be so because youd want a nation to be educated.
Fuck this, I'm going to France, school is free there. <3
Ha, oh man.
I feel so dumb sometimes, I feel like I am not good enough, and as though I can't say witty educated things.
I know people's first impressions of me are that I'm stooopid (please note that this grammatical error was done in purpose). And maybe I am at times, but not always. I wish I could get one of them "full ride" scholarships, but I guess I don't stand out.
College is just another thing that makes me blend in the background, thanks.

I wonder if what they say is true.
That I will be missed.
People have shown me that I am not missable/memorable, I'm just another blurred face.
Another memory. Here I am, holding every memory, and being able to remember when someone was there for me. But when I do something? It's forgotten.
Believe me, I've heard the, oh no don't say that its not true. Those are the people who are the first to let go.

Is it wrong for me to want to break someones heart? Like mine has been? I'd like to make someone cry for me, like I'd cry for them...But I know when it will come down to it, I wouldn't be able to do it.....and I don't think that makes me a nice person, because the thought is still there. I wish I could just be able to be alone. But I can't, I don;t like. I hate that feeling with a fuckin' passion.

Why?

Why does, it feel like an itching dark feeling.
How dark my heart is, the "mara" that is within us all.
The light that brings the dark.
I dislike this feeling.
Comments bug me, actions bug me.

And I can't say shit.