No blinding light.

I've had "I will follow you into the dark" on replay for about the last hour.
I spent at least an hour before that, looking for scholarships. Why is school so damn expensive? You'd think it wouldnt be so because youd want a nation to be educated.
Fuck this, I'm going to France, school is free there. <3
Ha, oh man.
I feel so dumb sometimes, I feel like I am not good enough, and as though I can't say witty educated things.
I know people's first impressions of me are that I'm stooopid (please note that this grammatical error was done in purpose). And maybe I am at times, but not always. I wish I could get one of them "full ride" scholarships, but I guess I don't stand out.
College is just another thing that makes me blend in the background, thanks.

I wonder if what they say is true.
That I will be missed.
People have shown me that I am not missable/memorable, I'm just another blurred face.
Another memory. Here I am, holding every memory, and being able to remember when someone was there for me. But when I do something? It's forgotten.
Believe me, I've heard the, oh no don't say that its not true. Those are the people who are the first to let go.

Is it wrong for me to want to break someones heart? Like mine has been? I'd like to make someone cry for me, like I'd cry for them...But I know when it will come down to it, I wouldn't be able to do it.....and I don't think that makes me a nice person, because the thought is still there. I wish I could just be able to be alone. But I can't, I don;t like. I hate that feeling with a fuckin' passion.